The Two Worst Directors Ever

I’ve said this so many times, I should have it printed on a T-shirt and walk about town wearing it. That -

Karan Johar is the Worst Director ever.

Even in my wildest of deliriums I cannot imagine liking his genre of movies. I relentlessly pray that such cinema dies as early as possible, like how the equally stupid ‘lost and found’ genre of the 70’s and 80’s finally died its slow and painful death. Johar’s movies are hollow, repulsively extravagant, stuffed with huge stars, and insist on educating us that pyaar is not dosti, dosti is not pyaar, pyaar can arise of dosti, but dosti can’t be forgotten, and pyaar is the ultimate aim of life, and dosti-pyaar-dosti-pyaar-dosti-pyaar-dosti-pyaar, Aaaarrggghhh!!!! Since we are slow, thick and dunce, we must thank Karan Johar for these tutorials again and again - Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham and Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. Besides dosti-pyaar, the angel that he is also wants to convey how ’’its all about loving your parents’’!!

‘Karan Johar movies’ can be a generic term for all movies like Mere Yaar Ki Shaadi, Mujhse Dosti (there, again) Karoge?, Kal Ho Na No. Whoever their directors, since the script and screenplay was Karan’s, so he spawned them. In a sense, he is the mother. The media attention and awards given to his hopelessly mediocre movies is definitely an expensively purchased and well-orchestrated PR campaign. It can be seen through and through.

&

Sooraj Barjataya
I get so angry after watching his movies that I’m driven to desperation. I want to grimace and stab a teddy bear repeatedly with a sharp knife. I want to asphyxiate cute Pomeranians. I want to wring the necks of pigeons and parrots. Don’t ask what I’d like to do to smiling samdhis and samdhans. I want to plant bombs under the dining tables around which 40 family members of his movies eat, laugh and make merry. I want to banish all secretaries, drivers, dafli players, servants, milkmaids who stand in a line and sing ‘dhiktana dhiktana dhiktana’ or otherwise conduct antakshari sessions, or hide shoes in weddings as if it’s the most exciting thing to do in one’s life, or otherwise play cricket matches in those sickeningly sprawling lawns around their mansions, with dogs as umpires. I want to release a dozen wild elephants to run amok all over their family amphitheatres, buses and glitzy palaces, and I want earthquakes to ravage the mythical township of Sundarnagar.

This is the man who started it all. I squarely blame him for the sissification of Bollywood and the regressive values Hindi Cinema and Television suffers from today. The maker of Maine Pyaar Kiya, Hum Aapke Hain Kaun, Hum Saath Saath Hain, and Main Prem Ki Diwani Hoon. Whatever will he inflict on us next?

My Fav movie is Disco Dancer

Don’t worry your eyesight is fine, I have actually typed Disco Dancer in the title section. This was a movie about people who are ‘disco dancers’ by profession!! (and people buy tickets to go and watch them do their thing on stage, it’s a strange world depicted in here!)

This was among the many scenes that I loved in this movie

Background
Kim (not to be confused with Kim Sharma) is the sister of a famous disco dancer, Karan Razdan. Mithunda, a rival upcoming disco dancer is doing his introductory show and Kim, in a show of solidarity to her brother, comes along with a few buxom extras, all armed with sandals and associated footwear to fling on Mithunda. After a lot of singing dancing and footwear flinging action, Mithunda walks up to Kim and predicts that the day is not far when he will be a great disco dancer and she, who now flings footwear on him, will beg him for an autograph. And when such a day dawns he will give an autograph, but only on her lips using his lips!

The actual memorable scene
Years pass, Mithunda’s prophecy comes true, he indeed becomes a great disco dancer and Kim indeed is by now nurturing a hot crush on him. She walks up to Mithunda after a particularly sensational stage show and asks for an autograph. Mithunda, who by now has forgotten all about his previously suggested method of autographing, innocently asks for pen and paper. Suddenly, Kim transforms into a shy, bundle of nerves, shuts her eyelids and proceeds to bite her long red colored fingernail between her lips. The moment she does that, Mithunda remembers the prophecy he had made.

My Fav Alok Nath Dialogues

Alok Nath is an actor who never fails to enthrall me. His nuanced smiles, the expressions of laaj-sharam on his fat rotund face, his tears drenched acting as a suffering father of wronged women, an unmarried sacrificing uncle, or a samdhi getting insanely attracted to his samdhan, all have left an indelible imprint on me. Here's presenting a few of his all time interesting dialogues:-

“Arre bete, yeh tum kya baat kar rahe ho. Apne dadaji ko aise nahi kehte beta, shayaad tumhe yaad nahi ke pandrah saal pehle….”

“Eh heheh heheh. Bache toh bhagwaan ki den hote hain Shardaprasadji. Inke aane se aangann khill uthtaa hai.”

“Aaj tumhare maa baap zinda hote toh unhe tumpe naaz hota, unka seena chhattees se chaalees ho gaya hota, tumne vilaayat se joh degree haasil ki hai.”

"....beta mera kya hain, ab to hum kal ke ho gaye - ab tumhara zamana hai"

"Kya apne boodhe dadaji ke galle nahi lagoge beta?"

"....Arre arre... yeh kya kar rahe ho - tumhari umrra gale milne ke hain, paav chune ke nahi..."